This is for people who live with partners/loved ones. To be dealing with pain (physical or emotional) is extra difficult because nobody can see your pain. An emotional pain can even end up being physical and vice versa. You, as the one who is being challenged, may be holding back relaying your emotions, to try to maintain peace. Your loved one may be holding back to prevent toppling you over. Things build up over time. Anger and resentment can destroy.
I recently implemented something in my life which is very helpful. My partner and I call it “Feedback Tuesdays”.
We learned this from a couple who has good communication skills. In order to keep building the love foundation, we set a day of the week, where we take turns speaking. When one person speaks, the other person listens. The speaker chooses words wisely, so that blame is not placed. The listener listens and is careful not to “fix” the other person. Empathize, don’t criticize. After one speaks and the other listens, discuss. Then reverse roles.
A few of my patients have implemented this. Things that come up for patients in pain: frustration around not being able to do chores, raise children, go to work, feeling worthless, feeling unsexy. Things that come up for partners/family members: having to do everything, walking on eggshells, minimal romance, losing hope for the relationship. For all of these things, there’s a way to relate and make the other person feel heard and special. If you start feeling overly emotional, pausing is a wonderful thing. Keep those hearts open. Knowing that you have this once a week platform will prevent all-week-long-processing so you can focus on the rest of your life.
And, after “Feedback Tuesday”, don’t forget to set a regular date night! Ours is called “Date Night Wednesday”!
